Essay of Place Feedback
As/after you listen to each of your classmates read his or her essay of place, please share your positive feedback by posting a comment on this blog.
Be sure to include the name of the person whose essay of place you're addressing, as well as the SPECIFIC comment you'd like to offer them. This is not a space for editing or critique; this a space to reveal what you found powerful, original, or otherwise interesting about each piece.
PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT ON THE POST BELOW THIS ONE AS WELL ("Hope is the thing with feathers...").
Be sure to include the name of the person whose essay of place you're addressing, as well as the SPECIFIC comment you'd like to offer them. This is not a space for editing or critique; this a space to reveal what you found powerful, original, or otherwise interesting about each piece.
PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT ON THE POST BELOW THIS ONE AS WELL ("Hope is the thing with feathers...").
posted by Kristin L at 2:48 PM
13 Comments:
Brittany~ I really liked the way you described the way that the ocean tasted, because it was so descriptive that I could taste it too. Great word choice!
Amber~ You did a great job editing you essay so that you show and not tell. I can taste your mom’s spaghetti and it’s amazing!
Ali~ I liked the way you described the way the wind “played” with your hair. I love that feeling.
Jordan~ I can relate to the cat playing in the Christmas tree at you grandma’s house, because my cats love to play in the Christmas tree.
Adam~ The way you described your day as “suspended in time” was powerful because it describes how important and special it was.
Emily K~ I liked the way that you started by not telling the readers were, because it kept up the suspense, and hooked the reader.
Jake~ I really liked the way you repeated “one more spin” because it gave that sentence power. I also enjoyed the graceful fall!
Bill~ I liked the way you described how your grandma fed you, and the jealousy of the neighbors because it gave that sentence meaning.
Michael~ I liked the way you described the scent of the stairway, as you went upstairs because it was really descriptive and original
Channing~ The way you describe the ocean water washing over you and the 120 stairs you have to climb makes it easy to visualize.
Lizzie~ The way you described how the leaves felt as they stuck to your feet was a great descriptive choice, and makes your tramp seem lifelike.
Tyler~ I like the way you describe the tree as a hammock. The “solitude” sounds amazing!
Karla~ I like the way you say your couch is a “security” and then go on to explain the double meaning with hide-n-go-seek.
Molly~ “Blue sky stretched for miles not allowing a cloud to take away its beauty.” This is a great sentence. I can really see it!
Amanda~ “I am untouchable” This is a great way to describe your feelings, when your in this room.
Alyssa~ “Heat is thrilling and dangerous” I never thought of heat as thrilling, great word choice!
Jeremy~ The part you shared really explained how you feel when your watching for that mere ten minutes. It sounds amazing!
Brittany~ The way you explain the feeling of the sand on your feet makes me feel like I am standing there with you.
Amber~ I love how what you said brought the picture of your kitchen to my mind, it was beautiful.
Allie~ “but his words echoed”, great word choice
Jordan~ “feel its smooshy delightful goodness” that is a great line
Adam~ the picture of ripples in that pond is really cool
Emily K. ~ “ice shoots up my leg” I felt it too when I heard that line
Jake~ spinning…”my thoughts and attention ebbs and flows”…spinning…I love the way you said that…spinning…don’t die…spin some more
Bill~ my back yard is quite large, so your story connects with my life and makes me smile
Michael M. ~ “reach for the sky ceilings” beautiful way of putting it, “uba tuba” (or however you would spell that) very funny
Channing~ “running around like chickens with their head cut off” I can see it in my head
Tyler~ “the city offers no such solitude” a great line, very true
Karla~ every Halloween (for a long time) we played hide and go seek in the dark, that is what your essay brought to mind
Molly~ “the air was cold but tasted fresh in my mouth” Beautiful imagery
Amanda~ All of your word choice is beautiful, it makes me wish I had a safe get away like yours, your memories are beautiful
Alyssa W. ~ “as the citronella candle burns the night away”, beautiful, it reminds me of the thousands of candles that my family uses up when we eat outside in the summer
Jeremy~ “the warmth of the sun on my face”, “both love and wrath”, “hope that I can be a good man”, all of these are amazing lines with a lot of impact
Brittany~ I really liked the way you described the big headphones not staying in small ears. I could relate really well.
Amber~ the way you described the way paper and how carefully it was placed allowed me to see it happening.
Ali~ “The sun playing piano on her cheeks” really good imagery.
Jordan~ “The bells on her Christmas sweater gently ring”, I can hear the bells’ soft ring coming off a bright red Christmas sweater.
Adam~ “I had started what others would end” excellent word choice.
Emily K~ that’s me
Jake~ the way you described the sensation of falling into a book really went well with the fall. Hope your head is ok
Bill~ the large family with lots of hyper little kids running around allowed me to actually see it.
Michael~ The Chronicles of Narnia connection brought me into the story.
Channing~ The blue door and the description of the house made me feel like I was there.
Lizzie~ “Cold air freezing my throat and nostrils” and “hair flew into our faces” brought back some of my own memories with friends on tramps.
Tyler~ The hammock shaped tree and the solitude described makes me yearn to go there.
Karla~ “Eyes in the back of his head yelling at her to get off” I can see it happening.
Molly~ “Shivered like diamonds” that is a wonderful description of the snow and “leaving all my anxiety behind me” brought back the many times my brother would make me come down something that I would never be able to do on my own. Good imagery.
Amanda~ peaceful abyss was delicately described here as was the laughs and giggles echoing through the walls of the house.
Alyssa~ Decaying fish, rotten food, baby diapers… I can smell the dumpster you described from here. Excellent.
Jeremy~ Descriptions and imagery here were amazing.
Brittany- I loved how you described the ocean and waves. Also, great job of showing and not telling
Amber- Great description of your mom’s spaghetti. It made me hungry.
Ali- I liked how you said, “the sun played the piano on my cheeks”. Great description
Jordan- I liked how you described you grandpa handing out presents.
Adam- I like how you described the day as “suspended in the air”.
Emily K- I liked your opening sentence about the dog slobber.
Jake- I like how you actually spun. Also, I liked how you kept repeating the phrase, “life goes on”.
Bill- I could imagine your backyard when you were describing it.
Michael M- I liked how you related your mirror to the Chronicles of Narnia.
Channing- I loved your opening. I actually felt like I was at the beach house when you were reading your story.
Lizzie- I like the lines, “distinct autumn air tickled my nose”.
Tyler- I liked how the described the tree in the shape of the hammock.
Karla- I liked the part when you said your family never sat down when playing games. That is so true!
Amanda- I like how you said, “The only way to feel the same sensation is to remember the old memories.
Alyssa- I like how you described heat as thrilling and daring.
Jeremy- I liked how you talked about wrath and love coming together.
B Froy- I liked how you referred to the waves as "them" and how you couldn't trust them.
Amber- Your description of the food was well done.
Allie- I liked how you referred to yourself as "she"
Jordan- I could relate because my Christmas is very similar
Adam- The description of the ripples were well don't
Emily K- The descriptions were well worded.
Jake- I liked how you actually twirled around it made the reading more enjoyable. Hope your heads ok buddy.
Bill- Could relate because my grandma is very similar billy
Micheal M.- I like how you included the humer. It was fun.
Channing- By far the best paper yet lol. But it did really make me want to visit that lake house.
Lizzie- The way you described details was well done.
Tyler- I liked when you talked about the Chip-munks and referred to us as giants
Molly- I can relate, I love to ski as well
Amanda- Your description words were excellent.
Alyssa- Good description of the smell of the trash.
Jeremy- I like how you repeated hope a lot
Brittany’s description of the beach helped place me there as well
Amber’s description of the chaos in the Kitchen takes me to any time my family has the joy of hosting many family members in my house during holidays
Ally picked a place that to me sounded beautiful
Jordan’s grandmother’s sweatshirt was really descriptive because I have a grandmother wears ridiculous Christmas sweaters as well
Adam The description of your leap made me gasp as if I was about to fall
Emily K described the setting around her well
Jake: your mind wondering to different subjects randomly is something I can relate to well
Bill used great words to describe his backyard.
Michael great description of your hanging book case which I heard someone by the name of Scott helped put up.
Channing’s line “the goose bumps beneath my skin” was an amazing description of touch
Lizzy’s description of her sopping wet pants was a great description of feeling
Karla’s paper was unique because she made the couch the subject instead of her.
Molly’s snow “shimmered like diamonds” which is hard to forget considering all the snow outside all our houses right now
Amanda’s phrase “relief shoots through my veins” made me give great big sigh of relief.
Alyssa’s pungent smell of the trash caught in my nose and could not get it to go away. When we go camping the heat always brings out that smell while we take our trash to the dumpster as well.
Jeremy gave a vivid picture of the background to his story.
Amber- The way you described the food was so detailed I felt as if I was smelling and tasting the garlic bread and such.
Ally- Great job on describing the surrounding atmosphere- it was like I could feel the surrounding air.
Jordan- I could relate to the closeness of your family and the mass amounts of food that seemed endless.
Adam- Your detail was bomb digs, I liked the "ripple in the water" detail... it added a nice touch.
Emily K- This place sounds like a blast! These dogs sound just like my mom's dog- always needing to so close and licking you constantly.
Jake- I really liked your spinning! It sounds like a place where you can completely escape. The details you gave created a perfect picture in my head.
Bill- This yard sounds amazing! The patio that you described sounded perfect and your detail was bomb.
Michael- I could feel the cool breeze of the air conditioning the way you described it. Your detail was awesome.
Nanner- It's only the best day of the year! OUR BIRTHDAY! I can relate to the first shock of the freezing cold water. "Chickens with their heads cut off"- this was a really good detail, created a good mental image.
Lizzie- "Tickled the inside of my nose"- really good description! Your details created perfectly clear mental images in my head.
Tyler- I can realate to the feeling of finally escaping "real life" and being able to relax.
Karla- When I was little we played hide and go seek and the couches were always base as well. The detail you provided created a good mental image of the atmosphere.
Molly- I can totally relate being at the top and scared and then completely letting go of everything. God's amazing and the mountains are a perfect example of that!
Amanda- Your details you provided really make me feel the relaxation you experience here.
Alyssa- It's the best feeling when you first arrive somewhere and you know you'll be there for a whole week. I love sitting and listening to water and staring at your surroundings.
Jeremy- I like how you made something as simple as the sun bring you so much hope.
Cecily- I liked how you said, “happiness that seems miles away.”
Emily L- I liked how you described your room as, “a personal sanctuary that is private and personal.”
Jeff- I liked how you described the “bright orange lights” of the city
Kevin- I liked how you said, “moldy, moss bitten bark”.
Scott- I can relate to having “sticky fingers the rest of the night” after roasting marshmallows.
Luke- I liked how you said, “humidity and smell hit me like a tidal wave”.
Jason- I liked how you said the smell of the apple pie “hit me like a shock wave”.
Hadley- I liked how you described your walls as ocean blue. I could imagine it in my mind.
Shadeh- I like how you said, “I always wished I could capture, but knew I couldn’t capture all meaning”. I know what you mean.
Zoe- I liked how you said, “the crack stole it from his hands”.
Patrick- I liked how you said, “go to war with the pitcher”.
Alyssa- I liked how you said, “music pounds in my ears”.
John- I liked how you said, “pebbles message your hands”.
Cecily- “pungent odor of Icy Hot” I can smell it from here. Excellent word choice
Emily L- “Mangled and used” I love the descriptions
Jeff- fresh rain, still wet mud, bright orange lights all create vivid images, Good job.
Kevin- Tight fisted teachers, sugar powered heart; I like the descriptions, original.
Scott- “Entirely way too many s’mores” well put!
Luke- “pungent freshness of Lysol on a newly cleaned bus” I can remember that smell.
Jason- I can see the dachshund bolting to the door for a “big” welcome.
Hadley- I can smell the vanilla and coconut from bath and body works.
Shadeh- The scent of the freshly cut grass filled my nose.
Zoe- The way you described the floorboards creaking was great.
Patrick- “prepared to go to war with the pitcher” good word choice.
Alyssa- Beautiful descriptions.
John- “large pebbles gently massage your hands” I can feel this!
Hey! Here are the rest of my comments. I am starting with Cecily.
Cecily~ "iridescent light", that was all so beautiful- I loved everything you shared with everyone!
EmilyL~ "sanctuary, private and personal" , so true to it connects to everyone.
Jeff~"my feet mush into the still wet mud", I can feel it as if I was there with you looking @ the park and seeing what you see.
Kevin~"clear water hitting the algae covered rocks", "my sugar powered heart" great expressions!
Scott~" porcelain smooth rocks", great imagery!
Luke~"I can taste the air, it feels so heavy", "as the rain hits our cold faces" I can almost feel it! "My ears get used to the silence"
Jason~" unwrapping madness", your description of the food makes me hungry "put on our eating faces" very funny picture comes to mind. Stop with the amazing food descriptions, you are making me VERY HUNGRY!
Hadley~"like sitting under a shaded tree on a hot summer day" lovely description!
Shaday~"no photo or portrait could capture its true magic or meaning" I understand how you feel "dirt jumped between my sandals with every step" great description!
Zoe~"aged wood boards creak beneath me" great sound description! "like a lucky penny found heads up on the ground"
Patrick~"prepare to go to war with the pitcher" "throw my bat at the ball", great!
Alyssa~"and plays throughout my head" I can hear it
John~"the constant and melodious beat of the basketballs on the concrete" great description!!
Finally, I just want to ask, EmilyL, did you forget me on your first comment, or did you not hear my piece, or what ‘cause I can’t find your comment!
Emily L~ “It is a person’s sanctuary” I like how you describe your room as a sanctuary, that’s how I described mine too.
Jeff~ I liked the way you vividly described the wet mud squishing between your toes.
Kevin~ That’s tight that there was a forest behind your house, it seems like a good reflection place.
Scott~ I liked how you described how the sand stuck to your sunburned body. Great use of imagery.
Luke~ I liked how you described the scent as a title wave when you got back on the bus. It’s very descriptive.
Jason~ I liked the way you described waking up on Christmas morning because it was a great way to put into words what many people feel. It always takes a minute to realize what day it is.
Hadley~ “Infatuated” is a great way to describe the lotion you love.
Shadeh~ You did a great job of describing the field my favorite was “Dirt jumped into my sandals with each step”
Zoe~ “Cracks stole it from his hands years ago” I really like this specific statement. Great word choice!
Patrick~ I like the way you describe going to war with the pitcher.
Alyssa~ “drowning allof the sound” is a great way to describe how your music makes you feel.
John~ “Powdery grains ooze out” This statement does a great job of showing not telling.”
Cecily- great use of description words. They painted a good picture.
Emily L.- I like how you mentioned and described how peoples rooms are their own personal space.
I am very sorry to all the other people who were after Emily, because i have lost the other sheet that had all the comments about the rest of the readings. They were all very well done and I can't recall anything said that I did not think was well written. So once again I am very sorry but well done on the papers.
Zoe- Little G Baby, I love your description of the dense air from the hot tub. I like how you related your changing life to the changing flowers.
Patrick- I like how you compared being up to bat with that of being at war with the pitcher.
Alyssa- Your detail gave me a sense of how relaxing your special place is.
John- Wow! Your description of something as simple as dirt was amazing! You made it come to life!
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