Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Essay of Place Feedback

As/after you listen to each of your classmates read his or her essay of place, please share your positive feedback by posting a comment on this blog.

Be sure to include the name of the person whose essay of place you're addressing, as well as the SPECIFIC comment you'd like to offer them. This is not a space for editing or critique; this a space to reveal what you found powerful, original, or otherwise interesting about each piece.

PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT ON THE POST BELOW THIS ONE AS WELL ("Hope is the thing with feathers...").

37 Comments:

Blogger CecilyJ said...

Brittany~ I really liked the way you described the way that the ocean tasted, because it was so descriptive that I could taste it too. Great word choice!

Amber~ You did a great job editing you essay so that you show and not tell. I can taste your mom’s spaghetti and it’s amazing!

Ali~ I liked the way you described the way the wind “played” with your hair. I love that feeling.

Jordan~ I can relate to the cat playing in the Christmas tree at you grandma’s house, because my cats love to play in the Christmas tree.

Adam~ The way you described your day as “suspended in time” was powerful because it describes how important and special it was.

Emily K~ I liked the way that you started by not telling the readers were, because it kept up the suspense, and hooked the reader.

Jake~ I really liked the way you repeated “one more spin” because it gave that sentence power. I also enjoyed the graceful fall!

Bill~ I liked the way you described how your grandma fed you, and the jealousy of the neighbors because it gave that sentence meaning.

Michael~ I liked the way you described the scent of the stairway, as you went upstairs because it was really descriptive and original

Channing~ The way you describe the ocean water washing over you and the 120 stairs you have to climb makes it easy to visualize.

Lizzie~ The way you described how the leaves felt as they stuck to your feet was a great descriptive choice, and makes your tramp seem lifelike.

Tyler~ I like the way you describe the tree as a hammock. The “solitude” sounds amazing!

Karla~ I like the way you say your couch is a “security” and then go on to explain the double meaning with hide-n-go-seek.

Molly~ “Blue sky stretched for miles not allowing a cloud to take away its beauty.” This is a great sentence. I can really see it!

Amanda~ “I am untouchable” This is a great way to describe your feelings, when your in this room.

Alyssa~ “Heat is thrilling and dangerous” I never thought of heat as thrilling, great word choice!

Jeremy~ The part you shared really explained how you feel when your watching for that mere ten minutes. It sounds amazing!

3:34 PM  
Blogger amberh said...

I enjoyed Brittany’s descriptive verbs; it made me feel like I was sitting at the beach.

Ally picked a very picturesque place that she made sound beautiful.

When Jordan talked about the bells ringing on her grandmothers sweater I felt like I could hear them.

Adam made me feel like I could touch the things in his story.

Emily K described her setting really well.

When Jake talked about ceilings and that they should be glass, I started thinking about that and it sounds like a great idea.

Bill has shown me his backyard, not just told about it.

Michael described his house without loosing sight of the story.

When Channing described “the goose bumps beneath my skin” I could picture it and it related to my sense of touch.

Lizzy said that “jumping bounced the words to my throat” and it was the perfect way to put what she was referring to.

Tyler mentioned “the first glimpse of sun that comes over the horizon” I can just feel the warmth that the sun brings with it.

Karla did a good job of showing us her couch with enthusiasm and comfort.

Molly described the snow as “shimmered like diamonds” I feel like I can see and touch the perfect snow.

Amanda said that “relief shoots through my veins” and I felt the feeling of relief and relaxation run through my body.

Alyssa W talked about “listening to others crazy conversation” this totally related to me because when I go to a lake with my family we love overhearing parts of conversation.

Jeremy gave a vivid picture of the background to his story.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Lizzie A said...

Brittany~ The way you explain the feeling of the sand on your feet makes me feel like I am standing there with you.

Amber~ I love how what you said brought the picture of your kitchen to my mind, it was beautiful.

Allie~ “but his words echoed”, great word choice

Jordan~ “feel its smooshy delightful goodness” that is a great line

Adam~ the picture of ripples in that pond is really cool

Emily K. ~ “ice shoots up my leg” I felt it too when I heard that line

Jake~ spinning…”my thoughts and attention ebbs and flows”…spinning…I love the way you said that…spinning…don’t die…spin some more

Bill~ my back yard is quite large, so your story connects with my life and makes me smile

Michael M. ~ “reach for the sky ceilings” beautiful way of putting it, “uba tuba” (or however you would spell that) very funny

Channing~ “running around like chickens with their head cut off” I can see it in my head

Tyler~ “the city offers no such solitude” a great line, very true

Karla~ every Halloween (for a long time) we played hide and go seek in the dark, that is what your essay brought to mind

Molly~ “the air was cold but tasted fresh in my mouth” Beautiful imagery

Amanda~ All of your word choice is beautiful, it makes me wish I had a safe get away like yours, your memories are beautiful

Alyssa W. ~ “as the citronella candle burns the night away”, beautiful, it reminds me of the thousands of candles that my family uses up when we eat outside in the summer

Jeremy~ “the warmth of the sun on my face”, “both love and wrath”, “hope that I can be a good man”, all of these are amazing lines with a lot of impact

4:56 PM  
Blogger emily k said...

Brittany~ I really liked the way you described the big headphones not staying in small ears. I could relate really well.

Amber~ the way you described the way paper and how carefully it was placed allowed me to see it happening.

Ali~ “The sun playing piano on her cheeks” really good imagery.

Jordan~ “The bells on her Christmas sweater gently ring”, I can hear the bells’ soft ring coming off a bright red Christmas sweater.

Adam~ “I had started what others would end” excellent word choice.

Emily K~ that’s me 

Jake~ the way you described the sensation of falling into a book really went well with the fall. Hope your head is ok

Bill~ the large family with lots of hyper little kids running around allowed me to actually see it.

Michael~ The Chronicles of Narnia connection brought me into the story.

Channing~ The blue door and the description of the house made me feel like I was there.

Lizzie~ “Cold air freezing my throat and nostrils” and “hair flew into our faces” brought back some of my own memories with friends on tramps.

Tyler~ The hammock shaped tree and the solitude described makes me yearn to go there.

Karla~ “Eyes in the back of his head yelling at her to get off” I can see it happening.

Molly~ “Shivered like diamonds” that is a wonderful description of the snow and “leaving all my anxiety behind me” brought back the many times my brother would make me come down something that I would never be able to do on my own. Good imagery.

Amanda~ peaceful abyss was delicately described here as was the laughs and giggles echoing through the walls of the house.

Alyssa~ Decaying fish, rotten food, baby diapers… I can smell the dumpster you described from here. Excellent.

Jeremy~ Descriptions and imagery here were amazing.

7:14 PM  
Blogger Jordan L said...

Brittany: I really liked how you described the details of the beach including coconut sun tan lotion, soggy French fries, Jack Johnson music. I could picture everything with your great word choice!

Amber: I loved how you described food. I could taste everything you described including moist garlic bread, Parmesan cheese, and spaghetti.

Ali: I felt like I was there in your story and I like your description, especially " as sunlight played piano with my face."

Adam: " A day that remains suspended for a lifetime..." What a great ending?

Emily K: I loved your details; they were so good. I loved and could picture the peeling wicker bench, cherry jellybeans, cool drink, cool floor, and lick of a German Shepard.

Jake: I loved how you incorporated motions with your story!! I loved how you repeated "Life goes on". I loved also the sentence " Computer lets out a sound to let me know it's still there."

Bill: I could picture your big family and the backyard. I also loved how you talked about your grandma saying " an old woman that prides herself in making enough food to feed her family."

Michael M: I loved how you described the mirror from the chronicles of Narnia. I love how you said " Reach for the sky ceiling". I loved how you talked about your friends and your Dad. I loved the " Uba Tuba granite top and how it felt like you were talking to each one of us personally. It was very funny!

Channing: I loved "Aroma of barbeque" and how you said " chickens with their head cut off to prepare dinner". I also loved " elbow to elbow at the table". Good description, I felt like I was there!

Lizzy: I loved your description such as " red plastic canvas", and "snow covered tramp". I loved how you described your friend and your boyfriend. I also LOVED the sentence, " Musical laughter...filled sweet autumn air".
I loved how you also said "small humming sound watches make", really good description.

Tyler: I loved how you said, " Where you can find me but also simply not found at all". I loved how you described things that you thought in your mind. " First glimpse of sun hits the horizon."

Karla: I loved how you talked about playing on the couches and how you described them as a place filled with memories. I absolutely loved your essay.

Molly: I loved your sentence “ Courageously shimmered like diamonds” and “ stomach dropped to my skis”. You described the beauty so well! I loved your ending talking about God. “ What God created… glimpse of paradise from God”.

Amanda: I loved how you described your old bath toys…so cute! I loved how you incorporated your old bath times with your new and I loved how you said, “ Splashes and giggles echoed through the walls”. I could hear it!

Alyssa: How you described the trash was hilarious! I loved how you described the boat “Rhythmic and Soothing.” I loved also how you described the water against the boat!

Jeremy: I loved your sentence, “ Reminds me of both love and wrath”. You had really good description!

8:42 PM  
Blogger JBeckmann1 said...

Brittany - You were very descriptive and I could feel like I was there. You used your five senses very well.

Amber- Powerful description of the food being made and what your kitchen looks like. You did great at encorporating memories throughout your paper.

Ally- I really liked how you showed the sense of touch and the wind flying throughout your hair.

Jordan-I got a very good idea of the sounds of family running around throughout the day.

Adam- I really liked when you said "suspended in time" because it shows how important it was to you.

Emily K- You used the sense of touch and sight very well.

Jake- I liked the phrase "life goes on", I feel like you based your whole paper off it and did it really well.

Bill- I liked your description of your backyard, I could sense how big your backyard was.

Michael- I like how you encorporated humor into your paper.

Channing- I liked the metaphor "running like chickens with their heads cut off"

Lizzie- I really liked your description of nature

Tyler- I like how you showed the peace of the area you found.

Karla- I could feel the excitement spreading around as you play games with your family

Molly- very good at describing your sense of fear throughout your story

Amanda- "I am untouchable" I could feel the peace that you get when at this place

Alyssa W- I really liked your description of the trash, very funny.

Jeremy- Very good starting sentence, made me want to hear more about your paper.

8:55 PM  
Blogger EmilyL said...

Brittany~ “The snarling blue monster” was a great description and very unique.

Amber~ I loved the memories of Christmas you described!

Allie~ The autumn atmosphere you described really set the mood.

Jordan~ I loved how you compared your Grandpa to St. Nick.

Adam~ “A day that remains suspended in the air” is a great play on words and how it goes back to what you were doing.

Emily K. ~ The dogs welcome is so real and descriptive! Powerful!

Jake~ The spinning on the chair was very creative to separate each memory.

Bill~ I have a big backyard too! I love it and have many memories like you do. Great descriptions!

Michael M. ~ “ubatuba” was very funny! The milkshake description was so real!

Channing~ “hair stands up on the back of my neck” I know exactly how this feels.

Tyler~ “rumbling of a nearby highway” is a great description of the cars.

Karla~ “Where the memories all return” shows the importance of your family room.

Molly~ “my stomach dropped to my skies” shows how nervous and thrilling this experience was for you.

Amanda~ The description of the room creates a romantic, relaxing atmosphere.

Alyssa W. ~ The sunrise description is so beautifully described! I can see it!

Jeremy~ The repetition of hope shows its importance. Great job!

9:06 PM  
Blogger umbertok said...

Brittany- I liked the way you described the ocean. “A snarling blue monster” and “my partner in crime” both were an interesting way to incorporate your feelings of the ocean.

Amber- Your description of the game of hide and go seek made me feel like I was there. The word choice was very good at grabbing my attention.

Ali- I could feel the emotion, in your voice and in your word choice. It must have been hard to write your essay.

Jordan- The words you used made all the mental images pop out in my mind. The cat popping in and out of the tree branches. That is cool mental image.

Adam- I liked the play on words. The Hero fallen his ancestors, and other phrases you used.

Emily K.- I liked the way you described your aunt and uncle’s dogs. I could feel the slobber on my face.

Bill- I liked the way you described the patio built for thirty. It made me feel like I was at my grandparents’ house, with my large family.

Michael M.
“Uba Tuba” need I say more. How much funnier can you describe a house.

Channing- You described what it was like to have a drifting mind I can totally relate to that through just the words you used.

Lizze- I liked how the tramp seems to bounce words to your mouth, every time you’re on it you seem to talk, and talk, and talk.

Tyler- If I could have the solitude to read like the solitude you descried I would never leave the woods.

Karla K- I could see the dog jumping on to the couch and than being yelled out to get off.

Molly- I like how you used the metaphor snakes for skies.

Amanda F.- Your descriptions of peaceful serenity in the bathtub made me want to go take a bath.

Alyssa- The way you described dumb luck made me understand the way your cousins feel when you play cards.

Jeremy- The line, “10 minutes but will last a lifetime” was pure genius.

2:09 PM  
Blogger karlak said...

Brittany-I really liked the way you described going out to surf on the wave. The way you described it made me feel like i was on the beach watching you.

Amber- I really liked how you shared all your different memories in the kitchen. I especially liked how you hid in the cabinets during hide-and-go-seek, because I did that to when i was little!

Ali- I liked how you said, "the sun played piano on my face" and you chose a great place to describe.

Jordan- I loved how you talked about Christmas, as it is my favorite holiday, and your detail you had about your grandma's house was great!

Adam- I liked how you described your moment of truimph when you "defeated" the ropes course.

Emily K.- I loved how you described the way the dogs greeting you. It made me think of when i get slobbered on. I also really liked how you incorporated one of your nicknames into the story.

Jake- I really liked how you made it easy for me to imagine you in the swivel chair when you spun around every time you said "one more spin."

Bill- I liked how you talked about your grandma and the description you used in describing your backyard.

Michael- I loved how you brought The Chronicles of Narnia into your story. They are my favorite, and I talked about them in my story too.

Channing- I liked how you described your family of 36 like chickens running around with their heads cut off. It really made the story come alive.

Lizzie- I liked how you talked about the words bouncing up to your thoart and then I liked when you said that your heart was pushed into your stomach. Your description really made me get into your story.

Tyler- I liked how you described the "special" spot you found. I imagined that I was there too just relaxing in the U shaped tree.

Molly- I loved how you described your stomach dropping to your skis. I also loved your last paragraph about Heaven.

Amanda- A bath is really relaxing and I liked how you falshbacked to your childhood bathtime.

Alyssa- I liked it when you talked about the water going back and forth off the boat. I could imagine this sound as you described it.

Jeremy- I liked how you talked about hope and your connection between wrath and love.

2:17 PM  
Blogger MollyR said...

Brittany- I loved how you described the ocean and waves. Also, great job of showing and not telling

Amber- Great description of your mom’s spaghetti. It made me hungry.

Ali- I liked how you said, “the sun played the piano on my cheeks”. Great description

Jordan- I liked how you described you grandpa handing out presents.

Adam- I like how you described the day as “suspended in the air”.

Emily K- I liked your opening sentence about the dog slobber.

Jake- I like how you actually spun. Also, I liked how you kept repeating the phrase, “life goes on”.

Bill- I could imagine your backyard when you were describing it.

Michael M- I liked how you related your mirror to the Chronicles of Narnia.

Channing- I loved your opening. I actually felt like I was at the beach house when you were reading your story.

Lizzie- I like the lines, “distinct autumn air tickled my nose”.

Tyler- I liked how the described the tree in the shape of the hammock.

Karla- I liked the part when you said your family never sat down when playing games. That is so true!

Amanda- I like how you said, “The only way to feel the same sensation is to remember the old memories.

Alyssa- I like how you described heat as thrilling and daring.

Jeremy- I liked how you talked about wrath and love coming together.

2:47 PM  
Blogger Michael M. said...

Brittany: I loved the way you explained the taste of the sunscreen. I definitely know that tang!

Amber: You did a marvelous job describing the spaghetti. I love the smell and everything in the kitchen too!

Ali: Great metaphors/descriptions! My favorite was the one about the wind playing with your hair.

Jordan: I can relate to your description of Grandma’s cooking. It brought back some good memories.

Adam: very nice use of metaphors. Like when you said the day was “suspended in air” (Too bad you don’t have the hair for a presentation though…)

Emily K: I don’t have a dog so you did a great job explaining what the wet lick is like. Very strong finish also.

Jake: Very nice work! Not only was your story energetic, but also your presentation! Very above and beyond!

Bill: You really showed us the yard, awesome descriptions. I love Italian food!

Channing: Hairs on the back of your neck and goose bumps were great ways to describe the chill from the water. I sounded very relaxing and made me want to go there!

Lizzy: wow. Your writing was truly amazing. I could relate and you did a remarkable job showing me, not just telling. The autumn smell tickling your nose was a very nice way of putting it. You also impressed me by how much you were able to write on one subject. You really got all the details. Great job!

Tyler: Good description of the chipmunks. Your place of solitude sounds very relaxing.

Karla: I felt like I was in the exited room. Great descriptions

Molly: Nice description of the snow and sun. I loved the personification of the mountains whispering to each other. Very nice.

Amanda: Sounds like a very exciting bath time! Great descriptions and it brought back memories.

Alyssa: I can imagine the sound of the water and the sway of the boat. Just being able to relax, having nothing on your mind. That’s a great feeling!

Jeremy: Very good interpretations and nice descriptions of the sky. You gave dramatic images in your writing.

3:44 PM  
Blogger ChanningA said...

Brittany- I loved your paper! The details were so good and put a image in my head. The simalies and metaphores were awesome!

Amber- I liked how you tied your story to memories of when you were young. It was really good!

Aly- The visuals gave really made me picture your story. I like the quote" the sun playing piano on my cheeks."

Jordan-Great paper! I love how you vividly described when your family opened gifts and the color of all the boxes.

Adam-I liked the story, I agree with cecily, "suspended in time" was a great line!

Emily K- I can completly relate to you and how the huge dogs come running up to you and slober all over your face! Good paper.

Jake- I loved the visual of you spinning around! I like how you would look at every single thing and describe it in detail.

Bill- I liked the detail of the neighbors being jealous as they smell all the good food.

Michael M- I like how you made your story funny! It made it stand out from all the others and I liked the shake description.

Lizzie-You are an awesome writer. I liked the part where you talked about the tramp cradeling you in its wet arms, it put an image in my head.

Tyler- I liked the description of the U shaped tree, I can so picture it. I agree with the wilderness being a serenity place.

Molly- I liked how you talked about her eyes going into slices as the moon was in a crescent. Great paper!

Amamda- "Peaceful abyss" was a part I remember most about your paper. I also liked how you talked about the ripples in the water.

Alyssa W-I loved the descrition of the garbage and how it smelled like decaying fish, diapers, and nasty food. It was such a good visual.

Jeremy- "The flaming circle in the sky" was my favorite metaphore. Great paper!

4:30 PM  
Blogger Kevin said...

Brittany- I really like your word choice, and your description of the beach. Where you thinking of Galveston beach in Texas? It was also a very tranquil story, unti you got to the part where you went surfing and the waves were like giant blue monsters! Great job!

Amber- Sounds like your family likes to cook! Excellent description, it seemed as thougheach item in your kitchen had a special memory or meaning to you.

Ally- Good description, good uses of the vivid verbs.

Jordan- Great detail. I love Christmas time. I liked how your special place was a whole house, and you described what each room meant to you.

Adam- Great job! Good detail, sounded like you spent alot of time with your essay.

Emily- Good description. Excellent beginning, it really grabs the audiences attention. Good uses of the 5 senses.

Jake- Nice spinning... Good description, good job describing your special place. You sounded a little winded at the end of your story. Is your head ok?

Bill- Excellent description. How is it being apart of the mafia?

McNulty- You look like Edmond from the Chronicals of Narnia, and Edmond mad me really angry. I'm not sure if I can look at you the same.

Channing- You have good description in your story, also good uses of the 5 senses. I liked how you described your lakehouse as almost a place of paradise.

Lizzy- You are a excellent writer. Everything flowed very well. Nice verbs and descriptive words. You used good vocab whic set your story apart from the rest. Trampolines are alot of fun!

Tyler- ood description of the outdoors. Also, you have a good outline of your story, it seems to flow well. I'm not really the outdoorsy type, but you make it sound fun!

Karla- Your story is really fun and exiting! Good verbs and description.

Molly- Good description of the mountains, it could only be done by a coloradoan. Skiing is alot of fun! Good special spot!

Amanda- You used many good vivid verbs. I thought it was a very relaxing story. Good uses of the 5 senses.

Elissa- Funny story! You have good descriptions and verbs. Sentences run smoothly with one another. Wakeboarding is hard... Tubing is so much fun though!

Geremy- Great job! he part you read was really well done. I would have liked to read more. Good verbs and vocab.

4:51 PM  
Blogger Michael M. said...

thanks kevin. I don't like it either.

5:07 PM  
Blogger JasonW1 said...

B Froy- I liked how you referred to the waves as "them" and how you couldn't trust them.

Amber- Your description of the food was well done.

Allie- I liked how you referred to yourself as "she"

Jordan- I could relate because my Christmas is very similar

Adam- The description of the ripples were well don't

Emily K- The descriptions were well worded.

Jake- I liked how you actually twirled around it made the reading more enjoyable. Hope your heads ok buddy.

Bill- Could relate because my grandma is very similar billy

Micheal M.- I like how you included the humer. It was fun.

Channing- By far the best paper yet lol. But it did really make me want to visit that lake house.

Lizzie- The way you described details was well done.

Tyler- I liked when you talked about the Chip-munks and referred to us as giants

Molly- I can relate, I love to ski as well

Amanda- Your description words were excellent.

Alyssa- Good description of the smell of the trash.

Jeremy- I like how you repeated hope a lot

7:53 PM  
Blogger shadeh said...

BritFroi- I really loved how you described your difficulty breathing as breathing with a small coffee straw.

Amber- I got hungry when you described the food and especially the detail of the parmesan cheese.

Ali- I loved how you made a dreamesque picture and then had it disappear in the wind.

Jordan- The way you described the crackling Turkey cooking, really reminded me of the holidays with my family.

Adam- The description of the golden sun made me remember summer time!

Emily- I could totally relate when you described your grandpa popping your back with a big bear hug.

Jake- I could relate to the description of the old dusty books making you sneeze.

Bill- Your story reminded me of my backyard at my old house, and there were a lot of good memories there as well.

Michael- This reminds me of the time all of our friends went into your recording studio, but you had great descriptions.... also I agree with Kevin's comment

Channing- I relate to the way you describe your big family together.

Lizzie- I really liked how you described the natural light of sun as warm, but the electric light as cold.

Tyler- I could relate with your description of the place you go to read just to get away from the hustle and bustle of the outside.

CarlaK- I liked the meaning you put behind the couches. I could relate to the importance you found in the family room.

Molly- I could relate with the adrenaline rush you described when skiing.

Amanda- I loved how you described how relaxed you got in your bath, with your muscles relaxing and getting goose bumps.

Alyssa- I could definitely relate when you got up the earliest and went outside to spend time thinking by yourself.

Jeremy- I really liked your constant reference to hope, and love!

7:54 PM  
Blogger AdamB said...

Brittany- You had very good descriptions. I can picture the surrounding and the atmosphere. "Snarling blue monster",great description of the wave. I can feel the memories. Awesome sense of touch.

Amber- Good description of the dinner. Your sense of taste exclaim itself in your story. I can tast the dinner and you story sparked new memories in my mind.

Aly- You described a perfect summer setting. I could feel the gust you felt.

Jordan- Good analysis of the food, turning tast into a smell. A memory was projected in my head. People's images are seen and sounds ring in my ear.

Adam- I can't believe how amazingly handsome you looked when you presented your essay. It was amazing and brought inspiration to my life. Thank you so much for all the inspiration.

Emily K.- Good sense of sound. Almost as if I was there. Funny description of the dog licking your face. Good sentence structure.

Jake- Good sound and description I could imagine you spinning in your chair but at the same time in front of the class. Great repetition of "Life goes on". That was funny when you fell. It was a good thing that you were alright.

Bill- I can see my grandma smiling at me while feeding me. You said it perfectly and the feelings where head on.

Micheal M.- Good story, it was funny and quite entertaining. Everytime you shook your head your hair shook up and down like what we usually do. GET A HAIR CUT!

Channing- I can see the house and imagine the inside of the house and beach. Good word choice Serenity.

Lizzie- Wow! Great description. Your story was very intense and easily imagined. Good Job! Reminiscent, good word.

Tyler- The meadows projected their picture in my mind. Solitude, good word.

Karla- The sound of the family jumping around ring in my ears. I could connect to your family and essay.

Molly- "My brain threatened to go back to sleep", great description of being tired. I feel that way every day.

Amanda- The light of the candle, paints a picture in my head. Good sense of touch in your writing.

Alyssa W.- I have done what you did and unloading is the worst part. I have a good connection with your essay.

Jeremy- "Only last 10 minutes....heart for a lifetime". Great metaphor and it was very deep.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Scott A said...

Brittany- She really showed how much fun she had around all of her family.

Amber- Amber combined all of her memories and her senses very well.

Ally- She did very well putting herself in the story.

Jordan- Just the descriptions of all the food made me hungry.

Adam- Adam showed how important this memory was to him.

Emily K.- Emily's story showed how tired she truly was.

Jake- His acting definately showed how much fun he has had in the swivel chair.

Bill- He really showed how important his relationships are with his family.

Michael M.- He showed how much fun he has had inside of the house. His story was also very personal.

Channing- "the smell of cleaning supplies" really reveals the airport.

Lizzie- "the old mesh covering" shows how much use the trampoline has been through and how much fun it has created.

Tyler- "Found with a book in hand, or simply not found at all." I don't know why I like this phrase so much.

Karla- Her writing captures how much energy is involved at family nights.

Molly- "untouchable powder" This phrase really shows how free she felt going down the mountain.

Amanda- "I am untouchable" Amanda's writing descibes her true independence.

Alyssa- "As the day begins to set sail" This phrase really sets up the rest of the story.

Jeremy- "melting my soul, bringing me back to ten years ago." Jeremy really showed his true age on the inside.

8:04 PM  
Blogger Alyssa W. said...

Channing~ I absolutely loved your description of your family members and how they are always running around like chickens with their heads cut off! It made me laugh and relate to my family!

Lizzie~ I loved how you described the way you could picture and smell the fresh cut grass but felt the harshness of the autumn. I also really liked how you said the crickets were a symphony, it was a nice metaphor.

Tyler~ I could really see the description about the man who had found your spot and how he had left a fire pit there. I can totally picture this campsite where I camp, it really reminded me of this place

Karla~ It was funny when you discussed how your dog would come running up on the couches and the instant he/she did, your dad would get him/her off. This created some amazing imagery for me.

Molly~ I love how much excitement your paper has! Right from the start, I could really tell how much passion you have for your skiing! I felt cold throughout the entire paper with the way you described the snow!

Amanda~ OMG! The way you talked about slipping back into the past and playing with all of your toys was so vivid to me! I can just remember doing almost the exact same thing!!!!

Jeremy~ I really liked your descriptions of the sky! All of it was so vivid and colorful to me!

Um Michael, I have to agree with Kevin about you being Edmond! Really funny Kevin I like it!!!!!!!!!!

8:06 PM  
Blogger TylerM4 said...

Brittany’s description of the beach helped place me there as well

Amber’s description of the chaos in the Kitchen takes me to any time my family has the joy of hosting many family members in my house during holidays

Ally picked a place that to me sounded beautiful

Jordan’s grandmother’s sweatshirt was really descriptive because I have a grandmother wears ridiculous Christmas sweaters as well

Adam The description of your leap made me gasp as if I was about to fall

Emily K described the setting around her well

Jake: your mind wondering to different subjects randomly is something I can relate to well

Bill used great words to describe his backyard.

Michael great description of your hanging book case which I heard someone by the name of Scott helped put up.

Channing’s line “the goose bumps beneath my skin” was an amazing description of touch

Lizzy’s description of her sopping wet pants was a great description of feeling

Karla’s paper was unique because she made the couch the subject instead of her.

Molly’s snow “shimmered like diamonds” which is hard to forget considering all the snow outside all our houses right now

Amanda’s phrase “relief shoots through my veins” made me give great big sigh of relief.

Alyssa’s pungent smell of the trash caught in my nose and could not get it to go away. When we go camping the heat always brings out that smell while we take our trash to the dumpster as well.

Jeremy gave a vivid picture of the background to his story.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Michael M. said...

scott basically built those book cases

8:23 PM  
Blogger BillM said...

Brittany- I love the ocean and beach. I feel like I’m there. B froi you get three thumbs up.

Amber- That made me hungry. I enjoyed this piece for eating is a great hobby of mine.

Allie- You gave me a nice visual. Sounds like quite the comforting setting.

Jordan. Grandmas are the best. I like how she loves her grandma just as I do.

Adam- Good job on reaching the bar. I felt your sense of pride.

Emily- I love dogs and don’t know what I’d do with my dog.

Jake- Great action added to presentation. I enjoyed how much he was into sharing his piece and the dome shot in the end.

Channing- Sounds like a very exciting place. Brings the family together and sounds like a great time.

Lizzy- I love trampolines! Great details gave me a very clear picture of the surroundings and fun that took place.

Tyler- Sounds relaxing, I myself enjoy going off by myself and having my own privacy. It’s nice how this place brings your family together.

Karla- Hide and seek, what a classic game. I myself was a hide and seek champion in my day.

Molly- Sounds like a rush and exciting memory.

Amanda- Cute toe reference. Were they hot pink? Girls and their barbies, got to love it.

Alyssa- I have always wanted to go to lake Powell. This sounds like such an enjoyable vacation.

Jeremy- I expected a very deep piece and got it. I liked the sum warmth on your face description. Keep on keeping Jeremy.

10:21 PM  
Blogger JLeadem1 said...

I was sick for the first day of reading so sorry if I don't say anything about your paper.

Channing- "The smell of cleaning supplies and a thousand perfumes" I thought that was a great way to portray an airport, a place of many different people and culture.

Lizzie- “Autumn air tickled the inside of my nose.” I had never heard of smell put into that way, awesome Lizzie.

Tyler- “Turquoises Lake is relaxing to all of us.” Even though you meant all of us as your family, you made it seem that this place could be relaxing and fun to all who see it.

Karla- “Memories always return.” I just thought that this was a very powerful and optimistic quote that just gives you a sense of hope.

Molly- “A burst of warmth spread through my body” Just another incredible way to describe the most basic of feelings.

Amanda- “Muscles relax as I descend into the abyss.” I know that this quote is kind of off of what the actual quote was but that just gave me a good idea of how you felt.

Alyssa- “Babies diapers multiplied by a hundred” I thought this was pretty funny, a good change of pace in the mood of most of the papers we

4:59 AM  
Blogger Brittany F said...

Amber- The way you described the food was so detailed I felt as if I was smelling and tasting the garlic bread and such.

Ally- Great job on describing the surrounding atmosphere- it was like I could feel the surrounding air.

Jordan- I could relate to the closeness of your family and the mass amounts of food that seemed endless.

Adam- Your detail was bomb digs, I liked the "ripple in the water" detail... it added a nice touch.

Emily K- This place sounds like a blast! These dogs sound just like my mom's dog- always needing to so close and licking you constantly.

Jake- I really liked your spinning! It sounds like a place where you can completely escape. The details you gave created a perfect picture in my head.

Bill- This yard sounds amazing! The patio that you described sounded perfect and your detail was bomb.

Michael- I could feel the cool breeze of the air conditioning the way you described it. Your detail was awesome.

Nanner- It's only the best day of the year! OUR BIRTHDAY! I can relate to the first shock of the freezing cold water. "Chickens with their heads cut off"- this was a really good detail, created a good mental image.

Lizzie- "Tickled the inside of my nose"- really good description! Your details created perfectly clear mental images in my head.

Tyler- I can realate to the feeling of finally escaping "real life" and being able to relax.

Karla- When I was little we played hide and go seek and the couches were always base as well. The detail you provided created a good mental image of the atmosphere.

Molly- I can totally relate being at the top and scared and then completely letting go of everything. God's amazing and the mountains are a perfect example of that!

Amanda- Your details you provided really make me feel the relaxation you experience here.

Alyssa- It's the best feeling when you first arrive somewhere and you know you'll be there for a whole week. I love sitting and listening to water and staring at your surroundings.

Jeremy- I like how you made something as simple as the sun bring you so much hope.

6:17 AM  
Blogger EmilyL said...

Cecily- “Citrus of my shampoo”…”they smell like me” I like how you describe your smell on your pillows.

Jeff- Beautiful description of the mountains and Denver.

Kevin- The stream description is very descriptive. Great job!

Scott- Great description of sand stuck to your wet body.

Luke- “humidity and smell hits me like a wave” is a great description.

Jason- “ham is sweet and melts in your mouth” I can taste it!

Hadley- “my room is cool like sitting under a tree on a hot summer day” great description.

Shadeh- The smells of the flower and grass is a great description.

Zoe- Great descriptions. The smells you described are so real.

Patrick- Great description of what the batter feels like going up to bat.

Alyssa- Beautiful descriptions. So real.

John- “Powdery grains oozed out of my hands” I can feel this! Great!

12:31 PM  
Blogger amberh said...

Cecily- I loved how you described your “lime green walls that once represented happiness, but is now long away.” I could relate to your hurt and your lose of happiness.

Emily L- I could picture the way you described your mirrors “eyes guarding your room.”

Jeff- You used great verbs I really liked the one about “My feet mush”.

Kevin- You created a vivid picture of the stream. I could hear it trickling.

Scott-The way you worded “the gentle rhythmic crash of the waves,” was so vivid that I could picture myself at the beach.

Luke- I could taste the “heavy air” that you described in your essay.

Jason- I have never thought of a house “swelling”, but it is a perfect description of a full house at Christmas time!

Hadley- You used a great simile, “my room is cool like sitting under a tree on a hot summer day.”

Shadah- The way you said “fallen into deeper thought,” put a new spin on plain thinking.

Zoe- Your essay was so descriptive, but you never lost track of your story. I could feel the “Wind ruffle my hair.”

Patrick- The way you phrased “prepare to go to war with the pitcher,” was neat. I have never thought of going up to bat in that way.

Alyssa- “The fan that comes whispering through the door,” gave me insight into your room. It painted a vivid picture in my mind.

John- You used great verbs. I especially like “reverberating.”

1:42 PM  
Blogger karlak said...

Cecily- I really liked how descriptive you were, especially with your word choice. I liked how you used the word "bombarded."

Emily L.-I liked when you said, "heavy eyelids are like fallen curtains concluding another busy day." Your whole paper was descriptive like that and it really painted a picture in my mind.

Jeff- I liked when you said, "mush into mud" you had a lot of description and good verbs throughout your paper.

Kevin- I liked when you said, "outlived glorious days coming to an end." Good descriptions!

Scott- I really liked how you talked about having too many s'mores and having sticky fingers. That is so true.

Luke- I liked when you talked about the smell hitting you like a tidal wave. That really painted a picture in my mind.

Jason- I liked when you talked about your grandma's dachshund, because I used to have dachshunds. Good descriptions too.

Hadley- I liked how you described the vanilla coconut as a "whiff of desired loveliness."

Shadeh- I liked how you talked about how you wanted to capture the scenery, but knew that no picture could.

Zoe- I really liked when you said "the book that the cracks stole from his hands." Great descriptions!

Patrick- I liked how you said you prepared to go to war with the picther.

Alyssa- I liked when you talked about the stairs and how you had two more to torture.

John- I really liked it when you talked about the "powdering grains oozing out." Good descriptions!

1:31 PM  
Blogger MollyR said...

Cecily- I liked how you said, “happiness that seems miles away.”

Emily L- I liked how you described your room as, “a personal sanctuary that is private and personal.”

Jeff- I liked how you described the “bright orange lights” of the city

Kevin- I liked how you said, “moldy, moss bitten bark”.

Scott- I can relate to having “sticky fingers the rest of the night” after roasting marshmallows.

Luke- I liked how you said, “humidity and smell hit me like a tidal wave”.

Jason- I liked how you said the smell of the apple pie “hit me like a shock wave”.

Hadley- I liked how you described your walls as ocean blue. I could imagine it in my mind.

Shadeh- I like how you said, “I always wished I could capture, but knew I couldn’t capture all meaning”. I know what you mean.

Zoe- I liked how you said, “the crack stole it from his hands”.

Patrick- I liked how you said, “go to war with the pitcher”.

Alyssa- I liked how you said, “music pounds in my ears”.

John- I liked how you said, “pebbles message your hands”.

12:14 PM  
Blogger emily k said...

Cecily- “pungent odor of Icy Hot” I can smell it from here. Excellent word choice

Emily L- “Mangled and used” I love the descriptions

Jeff- fresh rain, still wet mud, bright orange lights all create vivid images, Good job.

Kevin- Tight fisted teachers, sugar powered heart; I like the descriptions, original.

Scott- “Entirely way too many s’mores” well put!

Luke- “pungent freshness of Lysol on a newly cleaned bus” I can remember that smell.

Jason- I can see the dachshund bolting to the door for a “big” welcome.

Hadley- I can smell the vanilla and coconut from bath and body works.

Shadeh- The scent of the freshly cut grass filled my nose.

Zoe- The way you described the floorboards creaking was great.

Patrick- “prepared to go to war with the pitcher” good word choice.

Alyssa- Beautiful descriptions.

John- “large pebbles gently massage your hands” I can feel this!

12:47 PM  
Blogger Lizzie A said...

Hey! Here are the rest of my comments. I am starting with Cecily.
Cecily~ "iridescent light", that was all so beautiful- I loved everything you shared with everyone!
EmilyL~ "sanctuary, private and personal" , so true to it connects to everyone.
Jeff~"my feet mush into the still wet mud", I can feel it as if I was there with you looking @ the park and seeing what you see.
Kevin~"clear water hitting the algae covered rocks", "my sugar powered heart" great expressions!
Scott~" porcelain smooth rocks", great imagery!
Luke~"I can taste the air, it feels so heavy", "as the rain hits our cold faces" I can almost feel it! "My ears get used to the silence"
Jason~" unwrapping madness", your description of the food makes me hungry "put on our eating faces" very funny picture comes to mind. Stop with the amazing food descriptions, you are making me VERY HUNGRY!
Hadley~"like sitting under a shaded tree on a hot summer day" lovely description!
Shaday~"no photo or portrait could capture its true magic or meaning" I understand how you feel "dirt jumped between my sandals with every step" great description!
Zoe~"aged wood boards creak beneath me" great sound description! "like a lucky penny found heads up on the ground"
Patrick~"prepare to go to war with the pitcher" "throw my bat at the ball", great!
Alyssa~"and plays throughout my head" I can hear it
John~"the constant and melodious beat of the basketballs on the concrete" great description!!
Finally, I just want to ask, EmilyL, did you forget me on your first comment, or did you not hear my piece, or what ‘cause I can’t find your comment!

12:48 PM  
Blogger abmunguia said...

Brittany-I really like all the detail you put into the piece, especially the description you gave in the beginning about the waves crashing into the sand.

Adam-The metaphors in your last paragraph gave me an exact feeling of how you felt after reaching your goal.

Emily K-The part of the pinball machine was interesting and I liked how you described the energy you got as you played the game.

Jake-“I fly with warlocks…” was different and interesting, I really liked how you gave the story a different touch and made sure you told what you liked to listen to, read and how you liked to spend your time.

Michael M-I like how you put humor into your piece, saying how your dad sounds better putting a CD in the stereo than playing the piano.

Channing-“The aroma of BBQ overwhelms my nose.” You did a really good job explaining everything you saw and felt while you were at Lake Michigan.

Lizzie-The way you described the feeling of how the trampoline makes you feel was really well described.

Tyler-“The sunlight hit the grass just beautifully.” The description was awesome.

Karla-“The couches are hardly ever used.” Really tells how your family really gets into games.

Amanda-Your first paragraph was really good and pulled me in.

Alyssa-I love how you wrote how dangerous it can be, yet you’re so excited to still do it.

Jeremy-“Only lasts ten minutes, but stays in my heart for a lifetime.”

3:14 PM  
Blogger CecilyJ said...

Emily L~ “It is a person’s sanctuary” I like how you describe your room as a sanctuary, that’s how I described mine too.

Jeff~ I liked the way you vividly described the wet mud squishing between your toes.

Kevin~ That’s tight that there was a forest behind your house, it seems like a good reflection place.

Scott~ I liked how you described how the sand stuck to your sunburned body. Great use of imagery.

Luke~ I liked how you described the scent as a title wave when you got back on the bus. It’s very descriptive.

Jason~ I liked the way you described waking up on Christmas morning because it was a great way to put into words what many people feel. It always takes a minute to realize what day it is.

Hadley~ “Infatuated” is a great way to describe the lotion you love.

Shadeh~ You did a great job of describing the field my favorite was “Dirt jumped into my sandals with each step”

Zoe~ “Cracks stole it from his hands years ago” I really like this specific statement. Great word choice!

Patrick~ I like the way you describe going to war with the pitcher.

Alyssa~ “drowning allof the sound” is a great way to describe how your music makes you feel.

John~ “Powdery grains ooze out” This statement does a great job of showing not telling.”

4:02 PM  
Blogger Kevin said...

Cecily- Great description, your stroy flowed really well. Good use of the sense smell.

Jeff- Good verbs, made me feel like I was there. Great Job!

Scott- Good job Scott! Great sentences structures, good descriptions, and uses of the 5 senses.

Luke- Good verbs, great word choice, it set yours apart from the rest.

Jason- Grat Job, good word choice, sentences flowed well.

Hadley- Great special spot! Awsome word choice made me feel like I was there.

Shadeh- Shadeh...your awsome. Great Job! Good word choices, I could tell you spent alot of time on your essay.

Zoe- Good verbs, and also very well done overall. Great Job!

Patrick- Great Job! Sentences flowed well, and great uses of the 5 senses.

Alyssa- Good job! I could tell you worked hard on your essay. Good word choice.

John- Great job describing the snow, made me feel like I was there. Good word choices!

7:23 PM  
Blogger ChanningA said...

Cecily- "the mattress is conformed to my body" and "the smell of icy hot" were the two that stuck with me. Great paper!

Emily L- "a persons plave that is their sanctuary" I completly agree!

Jeff- "scent of green trees and wetness" it sounds like an awesome place.

Kevin- "couldn't wrap my adolescent arms around the huge trunks" great description!

Scott- I can so relate to the smores and sand.

Luke- "lysol smelling bus that was freshly cleaned" that put a very vivid image in my mind!

Jason- "Christmas waves hits me like a sign in front of me" I loved the description of the china at Tutu's house!

Hadley- "smells of vanilla ad coconut" those are my two favorite smells ever! Oh we have so much in common! haha

Shadeh- "the many flowers perfume" "wet grass rested under my feet" great paper!

Zoe- "as the boards squeak beneath me" "the dampen dirt sift through my fingers" I have been there!!! lala

Patrick- "the stickiness of the bat in my hands" "war against the pitcher" looks like a great paper!

Alyssa- "constant squeak of each step" sounds like a great start to a paper.

John-"the dirt was dry" "the large pebble massages your hand" Awesome visuals!

8:31 PM  
Blogger JasonW1 said...

Cecily- great use of description words. They painted a good picture.

Emily L.- I like how you mentioned and described how peoples rooms are their own personal space.

I am very sorry to all the other people who were after Emily, because i have lost the other sheet that had all the comments about the rest of the readings. They were all very well done and I can't recall anything said that I did not think was well written. So once again I am very sorry but well done on the papers.

9:22 PM  
Blogger Michael M. said...

Cecily- “bombarded”-good word choice! Very nice descriptions.

Emily L- I agree with your room “expresses who you are” very well put. You did a good job not just explaining your room but explaining its importance.

Jeff B.- Were you talking about Daniel’s Park? I could see it. Very nice

Kevin- good job explaining your house in Texas. (Orlando Bloom wouldn’t be able to do that)

Scott- Great descriptions. I liked the Grandmas dinner bell! I could picture it

Luke- very true about the bus. I could relate to that feeling.

Jason- That meal sounds Amazing! Can’t beat Grandma’s cooking

Hadley - You did a very nice job describing the smells.

Shadeh- I love the smell of fresh cut grass too! Great descriptions of feeling too!

Zoe- I like how you said the creaky boards stole the book from your neighbor. Good job

Patrick- That reminded me of the times I used to play baseball. Good images.

Alyssa- I liked how you said the fan whispered into your room. It sounded very peaceful

John- I wish you read more of the story. That was a very good job with the descriptions. I wanted to hear what you had to say about the camp.

5:53 PM  
Blogger Brittany F said...

Zoe- Little G Baby, I love your description of the dense air from the hot tub. I like how you related your changing life to the changing flowers.

Patrick- I like how you compared being up to bat with that of being at war with the pitcher.

Alyssa- Your detail gave me a sense of how relaxing your special place is.

John- Wow! Your description of something as simple as dirt was amazing! You made it come to life!

8:37 PM  

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